Continuing on, here’s a piece from the Uncensored blog in 2017 that I did while I was still sorting out the worst of me. Rereading it, I have to admit, I still need to remember these things. Though, I’m doing fine now, I can still hold the lessons.
When I first started taking my steps towards getting my act together to pull myself out of this car crash of a life I really wasn’t sure where to start. I had all this frustration, anger, sadness, and shame that there didn’t seem to be a starting point for me.Someone once suggested to me that I give myself to a higher power and render my burdens to them. While that works for some, it doesn’t really work for me.
I have never liked that idea of casting out my problems to someone or something else. You really aren’t taking responsibility for restoring yourself or facing the issues which means they will most likely come back. At least when you face your problems you have the opportunity to develop the tools you need to handle them again. There were five key things I discovered while I was trying to get myself together.
- ACCEPT IT. Acceptance is hard. There are so many things I don’t and didn’t want to accept. There are things we don’t have to accept, those are things we can change. But everything else needs to be met with acceptance and generally those are the facts of what has happened and the results. I had to have a procedure done to save my life, a consequence of this is I will never have a child. This was very hard to accept. I had to remind myself it didn’t mean I would never be a mother, it just meant I would never give birth. Acceptance is a key to move on.
- BE KIND TO YOURSELF. The pain is real. Just because I wasn’t physically bleeding out everywhere didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Learning to be kind to myself was the best thing I did. I placed no blame nor did I shame myself. We tell people not to kick others when they are down, same goes for us. While it’s important to not wallow in self pity, it’s just as important to have your moment of suffering and acknowledge it as that. It’s okay to cry.
- FORGIVE. A wise soul one said “Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you.” And that is the truth. There are people out there that have wronged me and there have been moments I wronged myself. Holding on to the anger and regrets doesn’t really allow us to move on. It holds us back and prevents healing. At the risk of sounding like a Disney song: Let It Go.
- MAKE BOUNDARIES. When we are kids we constantly testing boundaries and tend to learn them pretty good. As adults we forget that we need them too. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes we go over the top and establish walls that are too high and thick, sometimes we put up a picket fence made of tissue paper. I am still learning what mine are, which is totally cool. But once I find what a particular boundary is, I can recognize it and respect it. Boundaries are a way of respecting yourself.
- EVENTUALLY IS TOTALLY A THING. I was sitting in the break room at work for lunch. Tears in my eyes because I was just so depressed and was wondering if anything I was doing was worth the effort. One of our assistant managers slid into the room and crouched down next to me and asked me if I was okay. I nodded my head and forced up a little smile. “Eventually,” I said. Even though I was hurting hard at this moment and trying my best to accept what was happening, I still had my hard lapses. But I knew that eventually I would fine and I just had to stay the course. Eventually you’ll be ready for your next step.